Custody disputes can get ugly. Each parent thinks they know what’s best for their children, and anger, frustration, and confusion about prior acts between the parents can cause them to lash out at each other, make false or misleading allegations, and even use their children as weapons against each other.
Don’t let your child custody case devolve into such ugliness. Doing so can negatively impact your kids in significant and long-term ways. But how, then, can you talk to your children about the custody dispute in a safe way?
There’s no cookie cutter approach here. The way you talk to your children about a custody arrangement is going to depend, in large part, on the unique facts of your case. However, there are some general topics that you should avoid talking about so that you don’t create anger, confusion, and animosity.
What you shouldn’t tell your children about your child custody dispute
Remember, the way you interact with your children during your custody battle is going to have an impact on them. To protect their best interests, then, you should avoid discussing the following:
- Why you and the other parent are no longer together: Having to split time with parents is hard on children. And when your custody agreement or court order comes through, your children might start asking questions about why you and the other parent can’t just stay together. Don’t accept your children’s invitation to discuss the details of your split from the other parent. Doing so can cloud their perception of the other parent in a way that’s harmful to their relationship. So, try to deflect, assure them that you can discuss the matter when they’re older, and remind them that you and the other parent both love them.
- What you intend to do about the custody arrangement: Even if you disagree with the custody order in your case, you should refrain from discussing what you hope to do with it in the future. Again, discussing what you intend to do in the future could disrupt your child’s vision of their family dynamics, and it might fill them with what end up being false expectations. Your children don’t need to know about all your concerns regarding the other parent’s shortcoming.
- Money issues: Discussing your concerns about money, including child support and alimony, can leave your children worried about their stability and your wellbeing. You don’t want to stress your children any more than they already are. Also, talking about these sorts of details could land you in hot water with the family law judge overseeing your case.
- The other parent’s flaws: Disparaging the other parent while in your children’s presence can harm their perceptions and maybe even pit them against you. It could also drive the other parent to seek a custody modification, since the court has probably already determined that having both parents involved in the children’s lives is in their best interest.
Protect your children throughout your custody dispute
There’s a lot that can go wrong during a custody dispute. But you can minimize the risk by being aware of how your actions impact your child and how your legal arguments interact with the law.
By being diligent and thorough, while keeping your children’s best interests in mind, you’ll hopefully be able to secure an outcome that protects your kids as much as possible.
If you want to learn more about how to appropriately navigate your child custody dispute, then we encourage you to continue reading up on the process and the strategies that you might be able to implement in your case.
