Parents preparing for divorce may worry about their children. They don’t want the divorce to traumatize their kids. They also want to ensure that they can maintain their bond with their children.
Particularly in scenarios where the children might currently be closer to the other parent, it is natural to worry that divorce might result in damage to the parent-child relationship. One parent may worry that the children could ask to live with the other parent or may refuse to spend time with them after the divorce.
Can children choose where they live or how much time they spend with each parent when their parents divorce?
Custody does not depend on a child’s wishes
Parents and the courts can consider the preferences of minor children and the bond that they have with both parents when deciding how to allocate parental rights and responsibilities. The goal should always be to establish arrangements that are in the best interests of the children.
For most families, that means keeping both parents close to the children. Parents usually share both physical custody, which involves parenting time, and legal custody or decision-making authority. The exact distribution of parental rights and responsibilities depends on a broad assortment of different family factors.
If parents litigate and ask a judge to establish a custody order, the judge considers the stability of the parents’ living arrangements, the connection they have with the children and possibly also the child’s wishes. In some states, there is a specific age at which a child’s preferences begin to carry weight.
In Virginia, state statutes require that judges evaluate each child independently to determine their maturity and the validity of the reasoning behind their preferences. Judges can decide how much weight to give a child’s preferences.
Even a 17-year-old teenager does not have the legal authority to dictate where they live or whether they have to spend time with both of their parents. Children subject to custody orders generally need to abide by shared parenting time standards even if they currently have a stronger relationship with one parent.
Understanding the rules that influence child custody determinations can help parents assert themselves and protect their bond with their children. Parents should work to uphold their custody order. Those denied time with their children because of their children’s preferences may need to ask the courts for enforcement support.
